Thursday, October 24, 2013


 I wanted to clarify from my last post on the Sovereignty of God that I am not trying to say that God is not good and therefore bad.  I do not believe that God is bad.  I need that to be clear.  I guess I am realizing that I do not fully understand what "good" is....and who that "good" is necessarily for.  Is it really always for us??  Allowing children to die is not good - we can all agree to that.  So, maybe our idea of what "good" means is not the always same as God's.  Does that make sense?  And, now with what I have been through, I have to decide if I am ok with that.  That is just a part of my wrestling.

OH my thoughts keep going on this subject.....more later, I am sure....


  1. I'm sad to see that you feel the need to defend your statements from your last post. Those who truly love and respect you will understand that these questions you ask of your God are completely natural. This blog is about Vienne and your love for her. I'm sending you the strength to not have to explain yourself so much to others or to feel guilty by the words you feel and write. I would give up so much to end your suffering friend.

    1. Please, not to worry - this was not posted out of obligation or defense. No one said anything ....well, actually, it was Mark who said something! ha! He asked for clarification and I thought it was valid so I wanted to make note of it on here. It is so easy for things to be misread and when I write something that could be viewed as somewhat "controversial" I want to be respectfully clear on my stance. It's the pleaser in me, as well.
      Thank you for your concern, sweet Haylee!

  2. Those of us that have wrestled with God completely understand. I still struggle with why He says "yes" to some prayers and "no" to others and I still twinge when I hear people say "God answers prayers" when He didn't answer mine. I have faith and because of that I will trust but I will never understand...this side of heaven that is.

    Keep on wrestling sweet mama. It was a really good healing process for me.


    1. Thank you, Trisha - that is very encouraging to hear from another mother who has lost a child. xoxo

  3. Dear One,

    I need to say this. Perhaps I shouldn't. It is really none of my business. But I need to say it out loud. So here goes.

    You should NEVER have to clarify your deeply personal, raw and emotional thoughts and feelings. You beautiful, precious child died in the most cruel way imaginable. If you want to question, scream, yell, curse and rail at God that is your choice. As a believer myself I think He can handle it.

    I have always felt that believers misinterpret blind faith. It doesn't mean believing in spite of everything. It means believing and questioning in an honest and real way. That anger. Those questions. The continual exploration will draw you nearer to Him.

    I have shared before that there is something so very special, so magical about your Vienne. Today at work I was listening to my iPod as I do every day. I have not synched it since June. Out of nowhere a song I had never heard came on, Beautiful Vienne. I have absolutely no memory of downloading that song. None! I have only a vague memory of finding it here on your blog. It was so strange to me and I wondered what it meant. So I told myself I would come here and check on this sweet little family I have grown to care for. Perhaps Vienne was telling me her mommy needed a little support. I so hope and pray have provided that for you, from her. Because the love you shared in palpable in this sacred space.

    It's a lovely song, like your lovely girl.

    Be well Jenny.

  4. Maybe I should have read all the comments first ;)

    1. No worries, Auntie Mip, I actually appreciated your heartfelt comment. Thank you for taking the time. It means so much. Your encouragement to me meant a lot. And, I appreciate what you have to say about believing - that it entails "questioning in an honest and real way".

      That is pretty incredible about Vienne's song that popped up randomly on your iPod! Wow. Gives me chills. Thank you for recognizing and knowing how incredibly special Vienne was. That always means the world to me…to know that other people KNOW it too. She was extraordinary. I KNEW how blessed I was even when I had her…I always knew what a rare gem she was and I never took it for granted. But, I certainly NEVER wanted to let go. :(

      Much love to you.