Monday, February 17, 2014

{Home Video}: "You're a horse not a dog"

This is one of my most favorite videos that I am sharing today.  I replay it often.  Well, I replay all of them quite regularly.  But, this one especially touches my Mama heart in certain ways, for specific reasons.  In this simple and fun video of us, as a family at home on a typical night, I am reminded of the kind of sister that Vienne was to Ivy.  When I had the two of them both safely in my arms, in my life, it was all normal to me…it was all that I knew.  Now that I see how young siblings often are with each other am I reminded of Vienne's extraordinary selfless-loving heart.  We all know that it is typically difficult for a firstborn child to acclimate to the addition of a second child, a new sibling.  It is normal and nothing is wrong with the reactions that occur.  They are used to being the only child, with Mom and Dad's attention solely on them for all this time.  Now this little Baby comes into the picture and steals all of that attention and care.  And, this Baby makes noise and messes and pulls hair, grabs shirts and toys, and slobbers on everything.  Who wouldn't be annoyed, right??

Vienne.

Vienne was NEVER once annoyed with her little sister.  She was up early in the wee hours with me as I labored and brought her sister in the world.  She was of the very select few to clap and laugh with joy when Ivy was brought up out of the water of the birthing tub.  She sat by my side during my first nursing feeds with Ivy.  She was the 3rd person to hold Ivy after Ivy was born.  And, she never left our side in our care for her little Sister.  I even remember that first time that Vienne got to hold Ivy…she was sitting in the rocking chair, in her blue jammies, and holding her brand new baby sister fresh from the womb, full of wonderment and awe.  The pictures we have are priceless.  And, among those precious photos is Ivy's first grab of Vienne's hair.  What is Vienne doing?  What was her reaction?  She smiled and leaned her head forward toward her sister, with the pull…she drew towards her baby sister, rather than yanking away.  Always.



And, that is also what you see in this video.  Mark is holding 4-5 month old Ivy who is riding on Vienne's back.  Vienne is playing "horsey" - one of her recent favorite imagination "roles" to play.  And, all through the "ride" Ivy is unintentionally yet instinctively grabbing Vienne's hair.  I have witnessed little siblings grabbing at older sibling's hair….and almost EVERY time there is an anger/annoyance reaction from the older sibling.  But, you see here how Vienne just went with it.  If you listen carefully, you will hear her pause and say "ow" very quietly….but that's it.  No whining, no anger, no "tattling".  By the end of the ride, you will see Mark pulling a handful of hair from Ivy's tight grasp.  Wow.

It's a simple video.  But I see so much of Vienne's character in it and it makes me well with tears just dwelling on it.  This is how she was ALWAYS.  When Ivy cried, Vienne never got annoyed that it was louder than her movie…or that it was annoying or whatever…she would run to Ivy's side and sing her a song (usually the ABCs).  She NEVER displayed behavioral challenges immediately following Ivy's birth.  She never balked when I had to leave her alone to put Ivy down for a nap or to nurse her.  Of course, I even look back on those first few months as a new mother to two (which is soo challenging to acclimate to!) and I often wonder if I could've done a better job of giving Vienne more attention.  I'm sure all new mothers to two children wonder this.  But I think back especially to how patient and seemingly  understanding Vienne was and I regret.  She deserved more from me….she was so sweet and compliant…but all I ever demanded was that she be even more quiet.  Foolish.

I have said it before.  Vienne is perfection in my eyes.  I want to be like her.

I am so so so far from it.

Here is Ivy's Big Sister playing horsey with her…..



(Oh and don't you love my commentary?!!  geesh, I am so snippy and bossy sometimes…."You're a horse, not a dog".  What???  Yeah, sometimes I hate listening to myself on these videos.  Oh well, just laugh at me!  But, Vienne is still so obedient…she stops bucking her head back when I remind her to watch her head…even if I am a ruiner of the fun!
But, on another note…..I am also reminded of how this was the first time we heard Ivy belly laugh like this!  She was SO IN LOVE with her Big Sister.  Her belly laughs in this video are THE BEST.  )

I miss the complete Family that I was once blessed with.  This dream-come-true that filled 8 short months of my life….8 months of two beautiful little girls, completing our family.

17 comments:

  1. That is such a beautiful video! Vienne has her baby sister in absolute stitches...adorable!!! You didn't sound bossy at all, you sounded like a wonderful, loving mama:) Thank you for sharing your sweet angel with us, she was and still is a very special little spirit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I know - Ivy's laughter is so wonderful…how she doesn't take her eyes off of her big Sister. I just wish wish wish I could've seen how they would've turned out together, as sisters and friends.

      Delete
  2. The best sound in the world!!! You don't sound bossy at all, you sounded like every mother. I hate the way I sound on video too, I am always wondering, do I sound like that? Really? My poor kids.
    Such a sweet sister post. Ivy will love these videos of her guardian angel. PS, the picture of Vienne holding brand spanking new earth side Ivy makes my womb hurt!. It is so precious how she leans in!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously, the best sound. When they start really laughing like that…oh it just melts your heart. I can't get over how Ivy doesn't take her eyes off of Vienne. It is so sweet - she is just captivated by her Big Sister.
      Their love is unforgettable.

      Delete
  3. I love seeing the special bond these sisters share. Oh so bittersweet to consider what could have been and my heart just aches for you that you only got 8 months of this. I'm sure it's a daily reminder as you watch Ivy grow up what a great big sister Vienne would be to her right now and how she SHOULD be here right now patiently teaching her new things. Love you, Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  4. I LOVE this video. You and Mark are such great parents and you SO were not grumpy! I loved seeing the sister bond these 2 special little girls share. You can tell how much Ivy loved her, and how delighted Vienne was with her too. This is such a beautiful thing to keep close to your heart. Love you, friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, thank you sweet Friend. I'm glad I don't really sound like a grumpy pants. I just know my tone.

      I cherish watching their bond and I look forward to the day when it connects with Ivy…when she finally understands. Love you too.

      Delete
  5. That is the sound of pure joy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Jenny
    Wow, this video and all the others will mean the most to Ivy someday....even though it does not at all make up for the void of Vienne not being here in person! Every day there will always be thoughts about what it would be like if Vienne were still here. Her sweetness and adventuresome spirit are so painfully missed!!!! Love always, Lynn ( Ivy's grandma Lynn)

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a beautiful video. And I love hearing you laugh. Pure joy. Beautiful babies. Prayers that you can always feel that beautiful, sweet Vienne with you every day. Hugs for the sorrow of loss. Lots of hugs from a far away stranger. ~Tracie Grant

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love you, Vienne. I miss you soooooooooooooooo much. Some days it feels so unbearable….so unbelievable. How I look forward to our reunion, my beautiful girl.

    ReplyDelete