Dearest Vienne, Love Mommy ~ {September 6, 2012}

My precious, darling, magical Girl ~

Do you know how much Mommy loves you????  ...to this, you used to answer "SOOOOOOOOO MUCH" with your arms spread as wide as you could.  "Who is my most favorite big girl in the whole world?" - you always always knew the answer to that.  These things I am sure of. 
Oh honey, I love you so much it hurts.  From the moment you were born, I have loved you with such fierce intensity that I could swear I thought my heart might literally burst.  You have been my obsession - healthy or not, I was completely and utterly obsessed with you.  How am I supposed to carry on now?

Baby, I want you to know that I never missed a detail with you.  And, I want the entire world to know who you were...to know with the certainty that we now know, that we had been entrusted with one of God's angels, in you.  You were always soooo extraordinary and beautifully unusual and it never made sense to me until now.  You were unearthly.  Aside from the typical motherly bias, you were unlike ANY child we had ever known.  And, anyone who knew you, knew that was the truth.  Your Aunt Katy said that you set the standard...a standard that was ridiculous and most likely unattainable.  I would look at you and just wonder "where did you come from??  how did she come from me???"  Grammy always said you were enchanting...and that is so appropriate.  You romanced us with your enchantment...always.
It sounds impossible but your innocence was unworldly pure and without blemish.  You never had a mean bone in your body.  I do not exaggerate.  Not once, not ever were you unkind or disrespectful to anyone (aside from your mommy and daddy from time to time...which was a relief and confirmed that you were human!).  Not once did you hit, push, shove, grab a toy away, or say an unkind word.  You found joy in sharing and encouragement.  What child does that??!!  When someone was unkind to you, your response was always sadness and then a resolve to pray for them with the certainty that Jesus would make them nice.  You loved, my Dear One.  You loved like no other.  And, forever, you will be my example of how to love. 

And, how to trust in Jesus.  Your faith was unwavering.  You just knew that Jesus was your friend and that He was always with you and would always be with you when you needed Him.  You would say to me "mama, don't worry, be happy, Jesus will make it better".   You taught me about faith.

And, you taught me how to be a friend.  That was all you ever wanted....friends.  Each and every time we went to the park, that was your mission...to make a new friend.  If there weren't kids at the playground, we would leave in search of another where there were children playing.  You would set your eyes on someone (older or younger than you - you didn't care) and you would tell me that you wanted to go say "hi" to them.  And, you would walk right up, ask their names and if they would play with you.  You taught me how to be uninhibited and to set aside my pride.

Sweetheart, have I mentioned the kind of big sister that you were?  It was unreal.  You were every parent's dream.  You loved Ivy with such a selfless and precious love.  Not once, no not ever, were you annoyed, frustrated by, or jealous of her.  When she pulled your hair you would patiently move your head along in the direction of her pulling.  When she grabbed you, you would exclaim "Mama, Ivy is touching me!!"  And, that was all you wanted from Ivy - to touch her and to be touched by her.  When she cried loudly, you would NEVER complain.  When I had to steal away with her to put her to sleep 4 times a day, you were ALWAYS understanding and patient.  When I was holding you, and Ivy would begin to fuss, not once did you protest when I ultimately had to put you down for her.  You broke my heart with your love for her and your patience.  You were a better sister than I have ever been.  You taught me selflessness.

Oh, and your imagination was like no other!  Oh how you would take us on the most magical rides into your world of imagination.  You were so beautiful to watch when you played.  Your imagination knew no bounds.  You had make-believe friends and even toys.  If a real toy was missing from the pile, you could create it in your head and then play with it, never missing the real thing.  And the names that you came up with were genius and fantastical...Thorthura!  And Cortica, and Thixa, Asstag, Cortea, a restaurant named Narballs!  And, when we'd ask you the name of this or that, you would immediately answer with these wild names, right off the top of your head, as if that's just exactly how it always was.  When we walked down the sidewalk, you would rarely just "walk"...but most often, you would gallop and hold pretend reigns. You taught me how to open my eyes.

You amazed me.  Always. ....Vienne, I miss you so much.  There is not one moment I regret with you, and for that I am so happy and proud.  You literally touched every person that you came in contact with. You were my everything.  And, I know you've left a part of your spirit here, in your sister for us.  When I look at her, I see you.  She will be her own, but she will carry you on.  And, I promise to love her just the same. 

There is nothing in this world that I will ever want more than to have you back...but this life is cruel and so I will have to wait.  I will always ache for the day to hold your sweet tiny body again and caress your beautiful hair and kiss every single inch of your face, as I always did every morning.  You have taken a part of my heart with you.  I love you, Baby.   Mama loves you.

favorite words...

as of may 2012, this is my list of favorite words you say:

"fligilator" - refrigerator

"burrrrtiful" - beautiful

"bugger" - booger

"nuddle" - noodle

"donut" - adult

"prefect" - perfect

"slippily" - slippery

each and every morning, you ask "what are we doing today, mama??"

"play with me, play with me" ... which always means, play with T-Rex, Alice, and Tornado.  Play their voices and make adventures.

"throw out a party" - you always wanted to throw your toy friends a bday party or wedding party but you said "throw it out".  oh, you are too much.

when i'm a donut

I'm eating orange slices. (Vienne doesn't eat fruit.)
She says: "Are those good? Oh, after I'm a donut I will try them."
Me: "Do you mean, 'an adult'?"
V: " Oh yeah, adult"
Me: "Maybe you'll even try them when you're a big kid"
V: "Oh like Dad?!"

Potty

Vienne asked why drinking water makes her go potty. I told her that when you drink water it fills up your belly until it can't hold it any longer and then you have to go potty. What goes in must come out. So, then every time she took a sip she looked down and felt her potty to see if it was leaking! heheheh

I had to reassure her that it will wait a while to fill up and then she will feel the potty urge to empty it out. :)

boogers

this monday morning...after I've returned from a women's retreat all weekend:

Vienne: Daddy told me to put my boogers on my pants

Me: What? No. That's gross. We only put boogers on tissues. Daddy did not tell you that.

Vienne: Yes! Yes he did! Dadda told me so!

Me: Well, I'm going to talk to him about that.

I text Mark: You teaching our daughter to wipe boogers on her clothes?

Mark: Yeah! That's my girl! What a memory!

Me: Gross! Thanks a lot!

Mark: I really did not teach her that. But she sure is creative.

Great. Now she's wandered into making up stories. And, using scapegoats!

The Pox

poor girl came down with the chickenpox this past week. whew, fun times! it started with one fluid-filled blister on her belly and i had NO idea what it was. by that afternoon, i noticed that her appetite was pretty much gone and she was exhausted. i put her down for a nap an hour early and she slept for 2.5 hours. when she woke the poor thing had a 103.2 fever. of course, we knew something was wrong. after a very rough night of hot sleep for her, i was able to take her in to the doctor the next morning. she had a few more blisters and was still HOT. he wasn't exactly certain what it was just yet....chickenpox or some strange strain of impetigo since i had just recovered from an outbreak. he loaded us up with some home remedies and strict instructions to keep him informed 2x a day about the development of her illness. after an email from mark's cousin claiming that her daughter broke out w/the chickenpox that same day, i was certain that was it (since we just spent an entire week on the east coast together!). thursday was another warm day for vienne, while her body produced more and more blisters. by friday, the storm of it all hit. HARD. new crops of sores had developed on her arms and legs and scalp and by noon she was in PAIN. never itchy this whole time....just sheer pain on each sore developed. It. Was. Horrible. as it quickly progressed, i couldn't touch her one bit. she wouldn't wear clothes, i couldn't hold her, caress her, or even set her on a chair. she was so upset that she refused any kind of medicine, topically or orally. i thought the oatmeal bath might soothe it but standing in it, made her scream. i eventually got her in a loose pair of soft undies and made a very soft cushion area on her bed to sit against. she sat in bed, sucked on a homemade popsicle and watched a movie...calming down.

we have found an INCREDIBLE doctor - naturopath/chiropractor. dr. chris. he would quickly respond to every update email i sent him. i had sent him one that morning of the painful sores, informing him that she had had a very rough night of sleep (we weren't aware of her pain yet since she was so deliriously tired). once he read that email, learning that things had changed slightly for the worse, he wanted to talk on the phone immediately. by the time i called him, that's about the same time her intense pain had set in. he was concerned and asked a TON of questions, trying to determine the correct homeopathic remedy. he wanted her to have it right away, so offered to make himself available at his next clinic that day, closer to our home. mark ran over and retrieved it. Antimonium Crudum. The Life Saver. after just 20 minutes of giving her a dose, she made a huge 180 turn around. just like that!! the pain was subsided, she was cheery and running around w/energy again...just like the little girl we know.

by the next day, everything seemed back to normal...except she just had chickenpox bumps all over. the itchies set it (mildly) though no more new crops popped up. over the next few days the slight itchies completely subsided and the sores started to scab over. quick!!

i was actually afraid that it was too quick! i emailed dr. chris my concern - why weren't more spots forming, as is typical of the chickenpox? why weren't they itching her to death? did enough blisters form to warrant chickenpox?...she was covered, but definitely not in 300 like the literature claims. but he sent me a very encouraging email that gave me such confidence in the choices we have made to do everything naturally for her! he said that once we found the right remedy for her, it helped her body to turn everything around while boosting her immune system. in his experience, along w/200 yrs. of documented literature, it has been discovered that with the right remedy the child is able to move through the illness more easily and recover more quickly, all with a stronger immune system and not one return or renewed susceptibility to the epidemic. how triumphant i feel that we suffered through just one very rough day and then were able to turn what was proving to be a difficult case into a very mild one ... all with natural remedies! God's medicine certainly is the BEST!

Here's a list of what we did...just so that I can look back and remember when we have to go through it again with child #2!

-Children's Glycerite - for the immune system.

-Vitamin A - an anti-viral. Started w/a high dose of 10 drops first day, down to 5 drops the 2nd and 3 drops the next two.

-Pulsatilla homeopathic remedy - this is Vienne's constitutional remedy. Our next child might need something different.

-Antimonium Crudum - for the pain and severe mood changes/irritability. Initial dose was 2 pellets. Then we followed up, on need only basis, with a dilution of this remedy.

-Raw honey on the sores for about 30 minutes.

-Oatmeal baths, which also washed the honey off.

-Made a homemade natural version of "Calamine Lotion", using the leftover oatmeal goo mixed w/baking soda.

-Aloe vera was also soothing

-Constitutional hydrotherapy for the fever.

-Bone broth soup and homemade organic juice popsicles for sores in the mouth.

And, if anyone else happens to stumble across this blog, I hope this helps for it was miraculous for us!!

Praying through stubbornness

Good grief, God is so cool. It's just the little things, ya know?
I made a healthy scrumptious meal for Vienne - things she loves, hidden w/vegetables in the tomato sauce. I was so excited to successfully hide these veggies, until V stared at it and refused to eat. She sat there through our entire dinner w/that typical stubborn child's scowl. Finally, after many failed persuasions, the light turned on.

I asked her if she would like to pray to Jesus for help to eat. She said yes. We held hands and we prayed. And then, she took her first bite. Just like that...with FULL confidence that God was now going to help her. After that, she devoured the entire place, telling us how much she loved it...and telling Dadda to stop sneaking bites!! WOW.

The tenderness of a child's heart toward the Lord is speaking to me louder than most messages. I sat with tears in my eyes, realizing that we triumphed over her stubbornness w/prayer. (...and that her faith is so much stronger than my own!)

Praying through stubbornness has actually worked for us in the past (which is a RARE thing...so it was a few months ago!). Took me a while to remember to call on the Lord..but I'm still learning too! :)