Thursday, October 11, 2012

{Memories} ~ from Aunt Lacey

(Lacey and Vienne at 4 mo.)

My story for Vienne

I remember getting the text when she was born. Early in the morning. When I read, 'Shes here! It's a girl!' I smiled sleepily. Of course its a girl. It didnt seem a surprise, it felt right. I was already envisioning Caleb (my eldest son) and this newest addition to the 'Piscibert-Holbelli' family (the clever name we came up with to describe our friendship) as being good friends. I even went so far as to imagine that one day Caleb and Vienne would fall in love and our family's would REALLY be family!

I didn't want to have little girls. I was afraid of the delicate emotions, the pinks and purples and ruffles and lace. I wanted to teach boys to chop wood and hike through the mountains. In reality, I was just denying the side of myself that was delicate, feminine and desired lace and ruffles. Vienne taught me that I could have both. I could slay dragons and wear a dress while doing so. I could have tea parties and then let my hair down to dance joyfully. Over the years of getting together with the Piscitellis and our families enjoying holidays and casual dinners and picnics, I allowed myself to see what the joys of having little girls might be. I began planning day trips for Vienne and I where we could get our nails done and then run bare footed through fields and pick daisies. I even began to long for a girl of my own, but was content knowing I would always have Vienne and her sister Ivy to fill that void.

Occasionally Vienne would come over for playdates to let Jenny sleep or rest during her pregnancy and early days with Ivy. What a joy. I never had to tell the kids to behave or correct them. My boys loved Vienne. Caleb was ridiculously gentle with Vienne. He would cuddle her and kiss her hair. He would ever so quietly whisper in her ear and hold her hand as though it might break. I was in awe of their friendship. And while Caleb is by nature a gentle boy, he was more gentle with Vienne than I've ever seen him with anyone else. I would even ask him, 'Why are you so nice to Vienne? Why don't you treat your brother just like that? (Which I knew wouldn't happen, because brothers will rough and tumble no matter what) He would reply, 'I am gentle with Vienne, because she is a girl and she's my favorite girl that is a friend. Vienne is very special to me.' It melted my heart. Vienne indulged the boys with her imaginative play of dragons and forts, run after them cautiously through the yard, stopping to gently pet our dogs and chickens and bunnies and squeal with delight over the goodness of it all. And then she would politely request that the boys wear necklaces with her and pretend to be fairies and princesses. I was proud of Vienne. Like an Aunt would be. I claimed her as part of our family, in the same way I claim Mark, Jenny and Ivy. I feel like I have lost my niece and I am devastated that I will never have camp trips with her where we will paint our nails and hike through the woods. I am devastated that my sons have lost their favorite play mate. We speak of V often. The boys become solemn and say quietly, 'We are sad about Vienne. She was such a good friend. She was a princess and our favorite girl.' I feel an ache in my bones for her loss. We have all lost. I feel as though I were cheated. I will pour my love for Vienne into Ivy. And Ivy and I will paint our toes and pick daisies. But Vienne has a special place in my heart. Ivy will too, but the truth is that Vienne held that place first. She softened me to what a dainty and brave girl could be... and in just 4.5 short years of life.
I look forward to our reunion, Little Fig. I miss your giggles, your hugs and your passion for art, dancing and coloring 'outside the lines.'
your Auntie 'Assy'. {how Vienne once pronounced "Lacey" when she first started talking.  It was appropriate. :) }
(Caleb and Vienne in 2009)

(Vienne and Aunt Lacey walking and chatting, 2009...and Malachi hidden in the ergo!)

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