Monday, November 5, 2012

Dear Vienne, ~Love Ivy

Sissy ~

I miss you so much.

So many changes have happened since you've been gone.  I've had to adjust and readjust quite a few times...but Mama and Daddy have said that I'm a champ!

You are the best big Sister ever and I thought that, maybe, you would enjoy an update from me on all that I've been up to.  You were always so proud of me, so I know you would want to know every new detail.

Well, right after you left, I got my first two teeth on the bottom.  It hurt a lot.  I had to sleep at Grammy's house and it was sometimes hard for me to get used to a new room while having owies in my mouth.

Remember my walker?  Remember how I used to hate it, but the only time I liked it was when you would push me in it?  I didn't know how to do it myself...but I do now!  And, now I'm really fast in it.  I can back up and turn around and I love to chase Bob in it (Grammy's dog).

And, guess what?!  I started crawling!  Oh how I wish you were here so that I could try to keep up with you.  You would be so excited to see me crawling.  Mama said that you never crawled when you were a baby so this is all new to her.  It is very fun to me and now I get to explore.  Oh, and I also have started to pull myself up to standing.  I love to pull myself up to the toybox and dig through the toys.  They all remind me of you.

I have started to eat big girl food now.  I don't like that icky flavorless mush in the jars that Mommy bought.  I like it when she blends up her and Daddy's dinner for me, instead.  It tastes yummy with all the flavors.  I also finally started to like a paci and Mommy thinks that I might actually try a bottle too for the first time.  That will be weird.

The last few weeks have been kind of busy and crazy for me.  Mama, Daddy, and I moved from Grammy's house to a new house that we had to move into after you died.  Mommy said she couldn't go back to the old place.  I miss it alot but the new house is cozy too.  I get my own room now!  And, I have a new bed.  It's bigger than I'm used to.  I love my room.  I guess all of the furniture was yours but Mommy bought me my own bedding and pretty things.  She says my room is a mix of me and you, together.  It's very pretty.  And, the toys are fun.

(new room - all Vienne's furniture, but bedding and decor is new for Ivy)

Last week, after moving in, I brought in my top two teeth.  Now I have four and I can bite things.  My mouth hasn't been feeling very good.  Sleeping used to be one of my favorite things, but while I'm teething, I do not like it so much.  It's hard because I'm now trying to get used to another bedroom to sleep in and a new big bed.  I'm trying to be brave and take all the changes like a big girl.  But sometimes it's hard to be brave without you here to show me how.  While getting my top teeth in, I also got my first ear infection as well as a staph infection that started from a spider bite on my forehead!  Isn't that crazy?  I could tell it was kind of stressful on Mommy.
(tiny new teeth buds)

(family photo collage wall in the entry hallway)

There are pictures of you all over our new house so I get to see you everyday.  I miss how much you could make me laugh big and loud.  Last night, we were out walking and we met some neighbors.  They had a little girl that was running around me and she made me laugh big and loud like you used to.  It reminded me of you.  I don't get to see many big kids around lately but when I do, I really love to watch them.  Things are so quiet and kind of slow now that you are not around.  Sometimes it is boring.

(Vienne's three favorite friends, T-Rex, Tornado, and Alice perch on the window sills in our stairwell)

When I am sad I wish you were here to sing to me like you used to.  Mommy sings the ABCs to me, like you did, and it helps.  That is my favorite song now, too.

I love you so much, Sissy.  I will miss you forever.  You will always be my first and best friend.

Love always ~ Ivy

**This is one of my most favorite videos.  I could watch this one over and over.  Every detail is so precious to me.  This was just two days before she died.  We were just getting ready to go visit Grammy for the day.  Vienne wanted to wear this "dancing" dress over her swimsuit and requested her hair to be curled that morning.  Oh her beautiful locks...the color of hair that we all pine for, with her naturally golden tips and highlights.  She was clutching a bunch of Ivy's shoes because she wanted to bring them all with.  The sweetest part, to me, is how she is always holding Ivy's hand.  That's how she always was with Ivy.  So sweet, so loving...always lovingly touching her sister.   And, oh how Ivy loves her sister.  Such a HUGE difference between her at 4 yrs old in this video in comparison to that ones of her when she's two, isn't there?  She's not a baby anymore.  I miss her so much, it still hurts as much as the first day.  I can't stand this.


  1. This is such a sweet letter Jenny. I want to gobble Ivy up in that adorable picture of her. I love the way the collage wall turned out - so perfect. This video of your girls is my favorite of all I've seen. Just pure sweetness.
    I miss the world feeling normal when Vienne was alive and well and the thought of it being otherwise was never something we could have imagined. We all miss your beautiful girl.

  2. What a beautiful room you've created for your sweet little Ivy. Big changes in her life lately! That must have been so hard to deal with the teething and health issues, all while trying to move into a new place...on top of grieving. My heart still warms with constant thoughts of Vienne, but breaks, as I miss her so very deeply. Thank you for continuing to post updates and for helping us all remember that sweet face and voice through the videos.

  3. My heart. Oh, my heart. Thank you for these beautiful posts. I pray that Jesus puts a special place in Ivy's heart for her beautiful angel sister.

  4. Comforting to read about sweet Ivy and her special life as well. Her room looks beautiful. It must be so hard to see Ivy grow and change and be thinking of what might have been had her big sister been there to show her the ropes. Very bittersweet for all of you.

  5. Oh Jenny... that is the sweetest video ever. And I love the letter from Ivy. You are doing a good job putting one foot in front of the other. Day by day. Praying so much for you and Mark, your mom and Tom. I wish I could take some of the pain for you.